feeling below the wheel

I have a huge infection on my upper and lower lip now. I had no idea where all this is coming from. My lip is swelling a bit. I have already applied ointment. Yesterday, it started hurting and I had a gut feeling that there will be a major spread of infection all over and it came true. Something that I hate. It destroys my confidence and comfort. I started feeling frustration. Why this again? I hate this!

Then on the other hand, I am thankful. I thank God for this sweet crap. Even if I don't know why I am often getting this, at least it is not something serious. Though this is the most major one I have ever gotten in my life. I stayed at home today working my ass off again. I'm thinking, is there are reason for this? Do I have to think over something? I am not liking my job here. I felt like a slave. Issues are always pouring. Customers are always ranting and ordering us like cows. I hate them and my job. I know that I have to be thankful but I am not happy at all. I feel helpless sometimes--wanting to do something I like, explore and yet I do nothing at all.

I don't need any advice here. I just need to expel all these negative feelings. I know what to do.